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Van HelSING – The Musical

Van HelsingThe Musical!

(a scenes from a work in progress…)

Setting: Boca Raton, Florida

Main Characters
Mistress Grace – Owner of The Batherie, a spa and retreat center that offers a unique brand of physical rejuvenation.

Dr. Vreeland Cutter – President of Plastic Surgeons Association
Since The Batherie has opened, plastic surgeons in the region are losing rich clients.

Bob Van Helsing – the descendant of the famed vampire hunter is currently Dr. Cutter’s receptionist. He must restore the family honor…and find a way to pay off student loans.

There are 2 main musical themes:
Van Helsing’s Theme – light pop music (flutes, gentle guitar, hippie)
Grace’s Theme – playful Gospel Music (organs, hand claps, lots of vocal play)


Scene I: Dr. Cutter’s Office

Bob Van Helsing sits at the reception desk reading a comic book. When Dr. Cutter comes out, he immediately drops the comic into a drawer and begins typing. The doctor asks for the day’s roster and there are only two appointments: a consultation for a tummy tuck and a freak show performer interested in having horns implanted into his skull.

Song: Where have all the clients gone? (Cutter & Van Helsing; Van Helsing theme)

Where have all the clients gone?
All the wealthy, insecure clients are gone.

We’re in a grave situation
It’s been months (three months)
Since a breast augmentation

Are thin lips now in vogue?
Flat asses the new sight to behold?
Is Character found in a crooked nose?

Where have all the clients gone?
All the wealthy, insecure clients are gone.

Has Botox really peaked?
Did Oprah chastise them for filling in their cheeks?
Will I be forced to service circus freaks?

Where have all the clients gone?
All the wealthy, insecure clients are gone.
(repeat, fade out)



Vampire Bite Blog Hop – Tease #3

The Lady in question didn’t look a day over 35, which is quite a feat for a woman who claimed to be 102.

Want to know Her beauty secret?
Find out Valentine’s Day

Vampire Bite Blog Hop – Teaser #2

What’s the use of having a famous last name if you can’t profit from it? There were comic, books and movies depicting the adventures of his ancestor, but he didn’t see a dime.

Noooo. All he had were bills and crank calls from goths. “Hollywood,” he mumbled to no one in particular, “that’s where the real v-vultures are.”

Bob Van Helsing couldn’t even bring himself to say that other V-word.

Will Bob live up to the family name and get his own shot at fortune & fame?
Find out on Valentine’s Day

Vampire Bite Blog Hop – Teaser #1

Candice knew something was wrong when Simon–who had come over every other Friday night for “cocktails” for the last two years–stopped dropping buy. She got worried when he stopped returning her calls and angry when her monthly allowance disappeared.

How dare the old man reconcile with his harpy of a wife?

Find out what’s eating Candice on Valentine’s Day.

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