Tuesday Terror: Annabelle Comes Home (2019)
Annabelle Comes Home is like a haunted house at the carnival. There’s a lot of jump scares, creepy noises and frightened folks (kids in this case) scrambling and screaming from monster to monster. The Spookhouse gets the blood pumping but you’re at a carnaval; the knife slicing through the air gets close but doesn’t even graze the skin.
The story is thus: The Warrens bring Annabelle to their home and add her to the cursed objects collections in the basement. The demon attached to her is such a chaotic force that they must put it inside of a glass case.
In other words, sticking Annabelle in a room with these objects is like putting a lit candle in a room full of gunpowder and dynamite. What could go wrong?
After establishing that Annabelle is a bad, bad girl, the Warrens call over a babysitter and disappear from the movie. The babysitter has a friend who has just lost her father. She wants to go to the cursed room to find a way to connect with him. That is a mistake. Before you know it, all the spooks are on the loose – led by Annabelle.
Do you remember the tv show Friday The 13th: The Series (Hey Gen Xers!!)? It was about people working to track down and take back haunted antiques. Actually, the intro explains everything. There is an episode where people are attacked by the cursed objects they have taken out of circulation.
Annabelle Comes Home reminded me of that. Many of the demonic objects that have been resting idly in the background get a few minutes to shine. It’s a set up for future Conjuring movies to explore their origins. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the Warren daughter gets another movie or two: I Was A Pre-Teenage Exorcist.
My favorite bit is when potential boyfriend – of course, a boy shows up – is menaced by a werewolf of sorts. When it appears that all is lost, he digs down deep and summons the courage of El Kabong.
After a while, it’s clear that there’s no real danger here. The resolution is actually sweet. It didn’t bother me, but someone looking for more horror, gore or tension will be disappointed.
Tips:
-Doors are locked for a reason.
-Demonic objects aren’t a good way to contact the dead.
-Learn the ways of El Kabong!
Tuesday Terror: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019)
Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark is based on a book series of the same name. The books are three anthologies of spooky, chilling stories that are not related to each other. The film version is not your standard horror movie anthology; it takes a handful of stories and weaves them together as part of a larger, overarching tale.
Does it work? Mostly – you’ll maximize your enjoyment if you remember that this is a movie for kids.
It’s Halloween 1968 and a bunch of kids break into an old haunted house because what else is there to do? One of them takes a book of handwritten stories that has a few blank pages in the back. Strange things happen when they get back home. Suddenly, ink appears on those empty sheets and there are new stories-each one featuring a kid who was in the house. Even worse, these freshly written horror tales are coming true…
How is the book writing itself!
What happened in that house!
Can you escape your story?
The story that a kid gets is based on something they’ve experience or their personality. A bully full of hate gets surprised when an unlikely victim fights back. Someone who expresses a hatred of spiders has an up close and personal experience. A kid who is always warns others about unhealthy food gets in trouble when he doesn’t watch what he eats. Etc
I believe the children are all made up. So there was no reason to make one of them, Ramon, a draft dodger. It feels like it’s a weird justification for the racism he experiences. The sheriff just knew he was a criminal of some sort… Ultimately, his choices boil down to escape this monster or Vietnam.
Though not quite as gory or scary as some of the stories in the print edition – have you read Harold?! – the kids are in real danger. Some pay the ultimate price for their misdeeds.
As far as the end and sequels are concerned, the movie does set up for sequels but it doesn’t quite feel right. I’m worried that the writers have boxed themselves in. I hope they get the chance to prove me wrong.
Tips:
1) Don’t steal other people’s books! In fact, don’t break into abandoned houses.
2) If your knucklehead date shows up with two of his friends to go out with you, don’t go!
Zami Nobla Interview (So, 2 lesbians get stuck in traffic…)
Martina and I were interviewed by the Zami Nobla Podcast to discuss the creation of Kuma (kuma2.net), the olden days of the internet, nurturing creativity and love.
What’s the Zami Nobla podcast? It’s a sound source for Black Lesbians 40 and older. Show topics include current events, LGBT affairs, Black Lesbian Herstory & Health and Wellness. Angela Denise Davis is the show’s Creator, Producer, and Host. –
You can listen to our episode here: Martina Downey and Tawanna Sullivan Talk about Artistic Ventures & Creating KUMA, the First Black Lesbian Erotica Website During a Traffic Jam.
It’s also available via iTunes and youtube.
*The portrait above is the work of artist Odera Igbokwe.
No Exchanges – No Returns (An Excerpt)
Deadly Bargain: A Colors In Darkness Anthology – on sale Feb 14th
An Excerpt from my story: No Exchanges – No Returns
Victor stood off to the side as Sabrina approached the strange man and his table of curiosities. The dealer swept his dreadlocks to the side and turned on the full force of his freckles and wide smile. “Good afternoon, miss. My name is Henri.” He waved his hands over the goods. “See anything you like?”
A phony French accent and olive skin, Victor thought as he picked at his nails. That’s all it takes to impress college girls.
“What do you have?” Sabrina asked.
Henri pointed to a trio of thick red candles with gold symbols carved into them. “These are from Marrakesh. You light one as you meditate, and it will help you focus your energy on healing.” He drew her attention to a gold chalice. “I acquired this in Madrid. It’s rumored to be from the treasures hoarded by the Knights Templar. And this,” he picked up a crystal spray bottle full of amber fluid, “is perfume from Cairo.”
She picked up a faceless ragdoll. “Let me guess. From Berlin? Or a nomadic tribe on the outskirts of Algeria?”
“No.” Henri’s coal black eyes sparkled. “That’s from Pennsylvania Dutch Country.” They shared a laugh. “I’m a traveling man who picks up things here and there. No one can give you a better deal.”
Victor tuned out the conversation. Passing off dollar store junk as valuable trinkets. Got to give him credit though, he’s obviously wearing every stitch of clothing he owns and isn’t breaking a sweat. Dude is wearing three or four layers.
In the middle of a story about Stonehenge, Henri raised his arms and a brief flash of gold came from inside of his coat. Now, Victor was interested.
Sabrina stepped back and wagged a finger at the dealer. “Oh no, I don’t mess with anything from Stonehenge; I’ve seen Halloween III.” Her gaze shifted back to the red candles. “I have a friend who I think will be interested in these. Is it okay if I take a picture?”
“Sure, but understand I don’t put items on hold. If someone else comes to me with cash in hand…”
“Do you have a card? If my friend is interested, I’d want to call to make sure the item was still available.”
Victor was dumbfounded. She’s getting his phone number? She’s seriously making a play for this dude, this wannabe pirate?
“What’s your name, miss?”
“I’m Sabrina.”
Henri snapped his fingers and appeared to pluck a business card from the air. When he held it out to her, she caught a glimpse of his tattoos. “Sabrina, feel free to call about the candles or anything else you may be interested in.” He smiled slyly and winked at her.
Blushing, Sabrina turned to Victor. “I’ve got to get back. Are you coming?”
Victor shook his head. “No, I’ll be along in a few minutes.” He waited until she rounded the corner to take her place in front of the table.
What will Victor buy? How will it change his life?
Get your copy of Deadly Bargain to find out!
Deadly Bargain: New Horror Anthology
No Exchanges-No Returns, my new horror story, is one of the 13 featured tales in DEADLY BARGAIN: A Colors In Darkness Anthology. Pre-order your copy today!
About the book:
Some deals should never be struck and some dealers should never be trusted. When faced with your heart’s desire, will you ignore that tingle in your spine or the hair rising on the backs of your arms? The offer- It’s too good to be true and you can feel it. The dealer smiles with a devilish gleam in his eyes. Holding out his tantalizing wares, his eagerness adds weight to the very air around you. It’s not a lot of money at all, sometimes it’s even free, he says and yet you know that this is the costliest item you will ever own.
Inside these pages you will find thirteen tales of horror – deals that should never have been made and the horrible costs of those deadly bargains!
Tuesday Terror Round UP
The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake (1959)– a family is cursed by a Amazonian tribe. Men in the family are stalked, murdered and literally lose their heads. Their heads are shrunken and the skull returned to taunt surviving family members. Throughout the movie I had a lot of questions. For example, if the family was cursed years ago – how did these two live so long? The story did a good job explaining this and other headscratchers.
Howling V: The Rebirth (1989) – If you are invited to another country to celebrate the reopening of a castle that was the scene of a mass murder, don’t go. This is my third favorite Howling movie. This is classic set up: a group of people who come from all walks of life are trapped in a remote place with no access to help. One of them, a werewolf, hunts down the others. It’s part horror movie, part who done it. I recommend watching it twice – the 2nd to to pay attention to the clues. (My fave Howlings in order: 2, 1 & 5)
The Church (1989) – Templar Knights destroy a village full of people who worship the wrong god. They erect a cathedral on top of it. There’s a special cross in the basement to seal the evil in. Fast forward to 1989. The church is being restored. A layperson discovers the seal and decides not to tell anyone. Opening it by himself, he thinks he’s about to discover Templar treasure. He finds a whole mess of demons instead. The church goes on lockdown and a host of demons set about possessing and killing folks. Fun times.
Dark Waters (1994) – Imagine being stuck in a convent on an island with weird nuns trying to kill you. That’s what happens to our protagonist here. All of the red flags say “don’t go” but she’s determined to discover the truth about her past.
Tuesday Terror: Escape From Tomorrow (2013)
On the last day of a family trip to Disneyland, a man gets a call; he’s been fired on his day off. Rather than tell his wife or deal with this reality, he’s determined to be as normal as possible. Kids in tow, he heads out to the attractions as if nothing has happened…
Escape From Tomorrow was filmed on location at Disneyland without permission. You have actors blending in with the general crowds. Every once in a while the background looks flat; I imagine those scenes were done in front of a green screen. It’s an interesting stunt. On one hand, wow they made a secret movie under Mickey’s nose. On the other hand, the actors can’t behave too erratically in public and the story/horror elements suffer.
A lot of weird stuff happens in this film. Unfortunately, after every incident the dad just goes on as if nothing strange has happened. If you are on a happy-happy joy-joy type ride and all of the puppet and animatronics suddenly scowl at you with their best demonic faces, you might scream, run or mention it to someone. The actor can’t really do much here except look extremely uncomfortable, like he might pass out.
On to the story… Dad has lot his job. His relationship with his wife is strained. What does he want to do on his last day at Disney? Follow a couple of French girls around the park like a boy with a crush. The teens – and they look young – notice this middle aged dude with a kid following them around and giggle a lot.
No matter what happens to Dad, he shakes it off and goes back out in search of the French girls. Even when a woman hypnotizes him and he wakes up in her hotel room, tied to the bed and being ridden by her, he can hardly wait to find/follow his crush again.
There’s another story/plot concerning whether or not Dad is a subject in a bizarre experiment but it looses steam.
The ending is not really one that you’ll see coming. It doesn’t quite come out of blue, but the film does have to remind you that it gave you a clue earlier.
Tip: If you are really interested in a more macabre history of Disney, keep an eye out for Murder Can Be Fun #13: Death at Disneyland or Murder Can Be Fun #20: Waiting In Line To Die. (#20 is a reprint and updated edition of #13. Both of these zines may be out of print, but you never know what you’ll come across at a used bookstore, etc)
Tuesday Terror: The Nun (2018)
A priest, a not-quite nun and a Frenchman walk into a bar – um – a convent to investigate the suicide of a nun. What waits for them beyond the fog is an evil that wants a way out.
The Nun has a great, old school atmosphere and the soundtrack is good. The story that we get doesn’t quite fit this set up. Jumpscares galore but you don’t learn too much about our demon in residence. Why would someone summon this thing in the first place? What were the perks supposed to be?
Now, let’s talk about our heroes. The priest feels guilty, so the demon gets to torment him with that. The not-quite a nun has visions she doesn’t understand that reference the Virgin Mary. The Frenchman is worldly; he uses a shotgun, not the Bible.
In essence, the priest is the Scarecrow (he’s doesn’t think things through), our not-quite nun is Dorothy (she finds her purpose), the Frenchman is the Tin Man (his heart is in the right place) and The Nun is the Wicked Witch of the West. The Cowardly Lion? That’s the audience – BOO!
Because The Nun appeared in The Conjuring 2, you walk into this film knowing that this trio is not going to destroy the demon. Desite the jumpscares, the suspense is tamped down some. Also, the way they “defeat” the evil…Jada Pinkett did it better.
However, The Nun is full of great tips:
-if your horse refuses to get near a building rumored to be haunted/cursed, go home.
-if you are invited to spend the night at the cursed place, decline – go back to the village while you still have a ride.
-if you survive a hellish night, run to the village as soon as daylight hits.
It’s an okay movie that shows how The Nun is linked to the Conjuring Universe. On the other hand, let’s hope that The Nun gets a sequel (that’s really a story-strong prequel).
Tuesday Terror: Attack Of The Killer Donuts (2016)
Dubious donut employee Johnny inadvertently infects the day’s delicacies with a chemical created by his mad scientist uncle which animates the sweat treats and transforms them into killers.
The Good: The actual killer donuts are cute and fun. They have teeth. They can be deadly on their own or attack victims in swarm. Their greatest strengths are size and, of course, taking unsuspecting eaters by surprise. If you manage to eat one, he’ll get you too – and turn all of your insides to goo.
The Bad: Everything else. Attack of The Killer Donuts, a horror comedy that feels old. The freshness date on this type of comedy expired at least a decade ago. Our hero Johnny is an unmotivated slacker who lives with his mom, has a “girlfriend” that’s uses him as an ATM, and can’t see that girl he works with is the one who is “right” for him. The money that he gives to his girlfriend is whatever he can beg from his mother. Did I mention that he doesn’t do any chores? I think the writers were going for lovable goof but ended up with clueless blandman.
As a character, the “do nothing / be nothing” guy – without an ounce of charm – is passable as friend of the main character but it makes for a dull lead. For example, the girlfriend is blatantly using Johnny. When she stops by to pick up money, her real boyfriend is with her. Later on, when our “hero” catches the couple in the act of making out, he still doesn’t understand what’s happening. She has to spell it out for him. It’s supposed to be funny; it’s tedious.
Unfortunately, when your hero is flat, the other characters – even the campy ones – can’t save him. Won’t someone rescue these homicidal treats and put them in a movie worthy of their sweet, glazed anger?
Tip: Have a pot of coffee on hand.
Tuesday Terror: Theater Of Blood (1973)
Edward Lionheart (Vincent Price) is an actor who has found his niche: the plays of William Shakespeare. While he thrills audiences, he gets no respect from cruel theater critics. Driven to despair, he jumps to his death in front of them. Before long, the critics begin dying off in scenarios inspired by Shakespearian plays. Alas, who will be left to write condescending theater reviews?
On the surface, it appears that the critics have a point. They question Lionheart’s greatness. Surely, a really talented actor would want to grow and stretch himself. By limiting himself to Shakespeare, Lionheart plays it safe.
However, to trick the critics into falling into his trap, the actor plays a wide variety of characters. Most of the critics get to witness him branching out into new roles…right before they die.
There’s not much mystery here, but Theater of Blood is a fun movie. It’s essentially a showcase for Price. He’s enjoying himself and it shows. Also, if you’re a fan of British cinema, the cast is full of familiar faces.
Is it horror? More of a comedy with some horrifying/scary elements. Shakespeare didn’t have a lot of people peacefully passing in their sleep…
On top of everything else, the film has a campy queerness that I enjoy.
TIP: Be careful, darlings. A sharp critique can cut both ways.
