Tuesday Terror: The Church (1989)

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Knights Templar destroy a village full of people who worship the wrong god. They erect a cathedral on top of it. There’s a special cross in the basement to seal the evil in.

Fast forward to 1989. The cathedral is abuzz with activity – people coming for confession, a wedding party, researchers and a bunch of other extras (for a nice body count).

The church is being restored. A layperson discovers the seal and decides not to tell anyone. Opening it by himself, he thinks he’s about to discover Templar treasure. He finds a whole mess of demons instead. The church goes on lockdown and a host of demons set about possessing and killing folks.

Horror master Dario Argento is one of the writers, so you know you are in for a good time.

One of the heroes is a young, black priest. Hugh Quarshie plays Father Gus. He and those left alive must find a way to vanquish the demons and open the church.

Unlike zombies, demons have their own particular quirk when it comes to tormenting and snatching souls. This gives room for the special effects artists and designers to be creative.

If you’ve never seen The Church, treat yourself.

Tuesday Terror: The Deadtectives (2018)

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A fake paranormal investigation team with a television show on the verge of cancellation films their last chance episode in a real haunted house. What could go wrong? Oh, everything.

The group is full of inner conflict: the girlfriend who wants to go off on another project, the brother who isn’t taken seriously, the leader who is a jerk. Dealing with all these personal dramas and murderous ghosts is a bit much.

Influenced by Ghostbusters and the Frightners, Deadtectives is more comedy than horror. The funny bits don’t always hit the mark for me. For example, the lead guy says something racially insensitive to the Latino guy. The Latino guy points out the racial insensitivity and appears to push back but it’s just their routine. “Hey, that’s racist!” becomes a repeated, annoying punchline.

On the other hand, paranormal tv shows are not easy to parody; they can be a bit cartoonish on their own. The investigators on these shows – Most Haunted, Ghost Hunters, The Ghost Brothers, Ghost Adventures, etc – usually overact in hopes of convincing the audience that they are experiencing supernatural phenomena. Watching the Detectives try to spoof people who already act in an exaggerated manner…the act sometimes falls flat.

Overall, The Detectives is neither good nor bad. It’s just there. The best thing about the movie is that it made nostalgic for the Frightners.

Tuesday Terror: Horror Potluck #2

boar2BOAR (2017)
A giant boar is galavanting all over the Australian countryside eating and killing people.
This has everything you want from a creature feature: great setting, characters you can cheer for, no one is safe, no one is completely helpless.
It’s not afraid of you, your weapons or your car. This pig wants to destroy you. It’s a fun time in time.

pydh2PARTY HARD, DIE YOUNG (2018)
High school seniors travel to a party island to have one last hoorah before splitting up for college. Amidst the drinking, dancing and drug-taking, people begin to disappear. As suspicion spreads through the group, the bonds of friendship unravel. Who is the stalker/killer with a grudge? Someone knows what they did last summer* – even if they pretend it didn’t happen…
*last summer, last semester, last week – whatever – these kids aren’t innocent.

pravager2PHANTASM: RAVAGER (2016)
It’s not clear what’s happening in this movie. Is this scene real or is Reggie hallucinating. Which world is the real world? It doesn’t matter. There’s lots of action and Rocky is back.

 

theboy-2THE BOY (2016)
A woman is hired to take care of a boy . . . who is little more than a doll. There are strict rules she must follow; the doll reacts when she doesn’t stick to the proper protocols. Could the doll be possessed or is something more sinister afoot?
Fun popcorn movie that will keep you guessing. Don’t think about it too hard afterwards.

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