Category Archives: Tuesday Terror

Tuesday Terror: The Legacy (1978)

thelegacy1978

When I was a kid, I had a daydream that one day someone would show up with a letter declaring that I was the long lost relative of an insanely rich person who lived overseas. It would be the start of a great adventure that would end in me swimming through gold a la Scrooge McDuck.

Lucky for me, that did not happen. Horror movies prove that being called off to foreign lands to claim your rightful inheritance can be deadly.

In the Legacy, Maggie Walsh (Katharine Ross) is an architect hired to work on a castle/mansion in the countryside. When she arrives with boyfriend Pete (Sam Elliot) in tow, she discovers there is no job—just a weekend gathering of some of the wealthiest people in the world. Her would-be boss is on the brink of death.Those gathered are waiting to see which one of them will inherit his vast fortune.

When the assembled start to die off under strange circumstances, one has to wonder if there is a killer among them or if a supernatural hand is pulling the strings.

This is a fun movie. All of the prospective heirs have committed evil acts in the past. What’s (another) murder or two if it means coming into the ultimate fortune? Maggie and Pete are the only innocent guests in the batch but innocence is no protection against fate.

thelovers

Pete is a very interesting character. He wants to take care of and protect Maggie; the “we need to get out of here” instinct kicks in pretty quickly. Yet, he can’t make a great escape happen. He’s worried but manly. Circumstances that would scare others don’t bother Maggie too much.

The staff of the castle isn’t put off by the deaths at all. They’ve seen the process so many times before…

Tips:
1) Be careful when you make a deal. The devil is in the details.
2) When you inherit something, you get the history/horror/baggage that comes along with it.

Tuesday Terror: Death Bed – The Bed That Eats

deathbedposter

The Death Bed is about a demon possessed bed that kills people in dramatic, long drawn-out fashion. This is such a bad movie. I watched in disbelief. When you think the movie has hit rock bottom, lo and behold, there is another layer of schlock.

I imagine that it was a fun concept on paper that the filmmaker didn’t have the coins to pull off. And the story is just…

There are so many other angles the writer could have explored. For example: Laying all night in a nest of evil, what would that do to a person’s mind? But no, our bed has to physically demolish people with bad effects.

If you are looking for a so bad it’s good experience, this isn’t it. In the words of Queen Bey, don’t hurt yourself. You need a nap? Watch this snippet.

Tip: Set your alarm before watching.

Tuesday Terror: The Guardian (1990)

theguardiancover

A yuppie couple hires Camilla to look after their newborn. Little do they know, their new nanny is a Druid who kidnaps babies to fuse/sacrifice them to a special tree (the kids become wood carvings). There are wolves…and a killer tree. Yeah.

Unlike other family centered horror movies, it’s the father who knows something is wrong almost immediately. He’s having weird dreams, etc. However, he doesn’t act until evidence puts itself squarely in his ear. Though she is skeptical when first confronted by the truth, it doesn’t take long for mom to get on board.

There are also some nice horror moments (killer tree! wolves!) leading up to the “we have to get our kid away from her” scene. Just when you think the movie is going to whimper out with a weak ending, it turns into a weird 4-way battle royal for the soul of the child.

theguardianshock

This movie has an interesting class element that doesn’t really get fully explored. Because our villain is a nanny, her victims are the sons of upper middle class to rich folks who can afford her. I believe she is only after male children. There is something about the affluence of the parents that make those kids “the best” to offer-up.

You know what else is missing? The police. The tree is full of baby carvings; our nanny has been at this for a few years. It’s really hard to believe that a rash of newborns snatched from a well-to-do neighborhood doesn’t have a special police task force dedicated to solving the mystery.

It would be interesting to see this movie remade. Then again, the updated version would probably have Camilla (Cami, for short) be a teen eco-witch who has uncovered a ritual that, through time, would literally let her become one with nature. Nevermind.
Though a tinge slow in spots, It’s enjoyable overall.

Tip: If you are calling a woman’s name and she is ignoring you take the hint. Definitely don’t intrude on her tree time.

Stray thought: What if Camilla had been the nanny for Rosemary’s baby?

Tuesday Terror: Tintorera (1977)

Tintotera-poster

A killer tiger shark chomps on tourists and playboys off the coast of a Mexican island. Sounds like a run-of-the-mill Jaws rip off, right? Tintorera has something I didn’t expect—lots of (soft core) nudity.

You don’t see the sex, but there are plenty of “next morning” shots of naked bodies (ass cheeks up!) stretched out. Somehow, these folks will go skinny dipping at the drop of a hat, yet the sun has tanned everything but their bottoms.

Between the first and 2nd shark attacks, the movie transforms itself into an interesting love story. A business man, vacationing on a huge yacht, becomes friends with a buff playboy when the woman they had been “dating” seems to ditch both of them. Together, they meet and seduce other ladies – until they find a special woman that suggests the three of them form a triad. Then, there’s a lovely montage of their joyful threesome (outside of the bedroom).

Tintotera-3

Andrés García / Susan George / Hugo Stiglitz

Eventually, the Tintorera gets jealous that he’s getting so little screen time and shows up to break up their happy home.

Once this becomes a full out “kill the shark” movie, the fire dies out of it. The actors were having great fun partying on the beach and running around the yacht in the buff. When it’s time to hunt the killer shark, dude sounds like he’s looking into the dead lights.

This is a romance/free-love tale forced into a lackluster shark attack film. I liked it though.

Tip: Don’t take the love(s) of your life shark hunting for kicks.

%d bloggers like this: