I thought I would give a play by play of my vacation via twitter. Then, I discovered that internet access on the cruise ship was 40 cents a minute. I went no where near twitter and only slipped online occasionally to download email. Instead, I jotted down a few thoughts here and there. So, I present to you, the tweets that could have been…

I look kinda sharp in a hat. Maybe a black fedora is next.

This deck is nice. Great view without leaving the room.

An in-room espresso machine. All caffeine all the time!

Two bathrooms! And M has claimed the big, roomy one-with shower and bath tub.

Yeah, two hours on the ship and we’ve already gotten the questions–are you two sisters? cousins? etc? I’m just introducing M as my wife from jump.

Tip: When you meet a gay/lesbian couple there’s no need to immediately launch into your political positions on lbgtq issues. When you met a hetero, interracial couple – do you go into how much you agree with Loving vs. Virginia? Just smile and say nice to meet you.

The Breakaway is huge. By the time I make it to the gym, I’ll have had my workout.

So much food…everywhere.

I spent $69 on a bingo package and won 3 bucks! Whoo!

Internet is how much on board? No. Okay, maybe a minute or 2 every now and then.

Acupuncture and Botox at sea? No thank you.

An easy listening version of Let’s Get It on is a bad idea. It should be a crime to strip the soul from soul music.

Friends of Dorothy is the daily meet up event for lgbtq people. It is such an out dated term–would young people even get the reference? Hint: not a reference to Golden Girls.

Ocean Blue is the best specialty restaurant here–hands down. However, this place could use a soul food spot. They’d have to market it as southern cuisine instead of soul food though.

Lemon sorbet drizzled with honey makes my tongue happy.

So…rum swizzle is THE official drink of Bermuda?

Editing on the beach: 1) Recline in beach chair, with bottle of water at your side. 2) Mark up a few pages. 3) Put manuscript aside, go stand in clear blue water. 4) Watch fish swim around knees. 4) Avoid stepping on snorkling pre-schoolers. 5) Repeat steps 1-4.

We were almost impaled by a runaway, wind propelled beach umbrella. I look up from my manuscript and it’s tumbling straight for us. Like an action hero, I reach out with one hand and grasp the harpoon-like wooden pole as it bears down on us.

After a morning at the beach, I am 50 shades of chocolate.

Beach Party at Night: Fire limbo, Fire Jugglers/Dancers, the cha-cha slide..

According to our tour guide/taxi driver, there are a lot of new condos being built even though there are still a lot of condos sitting around empty. Who can afford the million or so for a beach front shoe box?

Took a glass bottom boat tour of the Bermuda Triangle. Saw fish and a shipwreck.

Internet Break: Paula Deen? Slave Waiters? Stop and Fricassee? What the hell?

For the Name That Tune game, a young man did not recognize the opening horns of Celebration by Kool and The Gang. His parental units have failed him.

Had a couple of samples from the Bermuda Rum Cake Company and broke out in a sweat. Rum and Ginger cake is good stuff!

None of the excursions offered actually dealt with the history/culture of Bermuda. Scenic tours and beaches… I happened upon a postcard of Gombey dancers when I was buying post cards. We’ll have to go back–fly over next time–and carve out our own agenda.