As of today, M & I have been together for 9 years. Our first real date was the movie Love Jones. Time goes by quickly.
Going from serial monogamy to a longterm relationship, I’ve learned that:
- it’s better to solve a problem instead of trying to “win” an argument
- having different tastes in movies, etc isn’t a bad thing
- being open minded to your girl’s interests isn’t a bad thing
- if you aren’t friends outside of the bedroom, sooner or later you’ll stop being friends in the bedroom
- you have to be very, very careful about not taking each other for granted; relationships grow and change–they need to be nurtured and looked after
- never take advice from a single person who has never been in a relationship for longer than 90 days. . . .
- and don’t fall into the trap of being the “advice” giver, just because you have a girlfriend doesn’t mean you know it all
- don’t project your own personal issues onto your partner, deal with your own internal mess head-on
- if you and your girl have issues, don’t go around telling everyone you know. A lot of times people are eager to listen–not because they are “on your side” or want to help–because they get a kick out of knowing that your relationship isn’t “all that”
- being together doesn’t mean losing yourself
- know when to let stuff go . . . if you can’t stand it when she leaves the top off of the toothpaste, but she’s been doing it for the last 3 years, there really is no need to keep picking/nagging about it. Put the top on yourself–and acknowledge that you do things that drive her crazy too.
- don’t be afraid of breaking up. you don’t want it to happen, but if you are afraid of it, then you may let some relationship issues go unchecked out of fear. And if a problem is left unsolved, it usually gets worse. (Which could lead to the breakup you were trying to avoid!)
Tawanna Sullivan 