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Lessons From: Blair Witch 2016

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I need to treat new horror movies like iOS updates – wait a week and see how it all shakes out. But, alas, I have wasted my money. Don’t waste yours.

Anyway, the lessons:

  • Don’t go camping with strangers.
    • Don’t go camping with people who make you feel uncomfortable.
  • Don’t go into haunted woods were people have been murdered, have disappeared etc without some kind of plan for survival. Don’t treat it like you are spending the night at Jellystone. ¬†True, the plan probably won’t work, but at least have one.
  • If you get hurt at the beginning of the trip, go back to town immediately. Don’t let people convince you to keep going. They aren’t your friends.
  • LOUD NOISES ALONE DON’T MAKE A MOVIE SCARY!
  • Don’t write sequels to movies and have new characters act as clueless/naive as previous characters.
  • Don’t go camping. Play the Blair Witch Games instead.

Other notes:

  • This is the 2nd movie I’ve seen this year with a sibling going into the woods to find a sister. I enjoyed The Forest¬†more.
  • In addition to Blair Witch, yesterday I also saw Iced (1988) and Island Claws (1980). The other two movies were more entertaining/fun.
  • One character mentions the house at one time was a stop on the Underground Railroad. The Blair Witch was “active” during the pre-civil war-maybe she was an accidental abolitionist? Whatevs.
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