Category Archives: Just Fun

Tuesday Terror: Horror Potluck #3

horrorexpressHorror Express (1972)
Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and a mysterious creature on a train. Telly Savalis pops up, too. Think Murder On The Orient Express dipped in a coating of blood. To say more would ruin all the wonderful little surprises in this classic horror.

 

beastinthecellar.jpgBeast In The Cellar (1971)
Two sisters fear that a series of murders at a nearby military base is linked to a secret hiding in the basement. This is a family drama that unfolds with a horrific, murderous mystery as the backdrop. The title appears to give the plot away but that’s only part of the story.

 

Tuesday Terror: The Curse Of The Living Corpse (1964)

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The patriarch of a family dies and it’s time for the reading of the will. There group assembled consists of a gambler, a drunkard, unhappy wives and mothers, mistreated domestic workers, a nice kid, a love interest and a lawyer. The dead man had made most of their lives miserable and he’s not through yet!The long suffering relatives can only inherit if they abide by certain conditions.

Here’s the trick – between the funeral, the burial and assembling for the reading, all of the potential heirs have broken the rules. Bummer right? It gets even worse. According to the will, those who don’t fulfill their duties will die facing their worst fears.

As people start dying, one has to wonder if the cloaked figure menacing about is the spirit of the dead man or a human avenger? Perhaps both things can be true at the same time?

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It’s a familiar plot boosted by great acting and writing. The family is full of tension, resentment and hatred. The father may have been horrible but the children he raised aren’t much better. Take out the “has dad returned from the dead” element and this could be a great dramatic soap opera.

There are some hokey bits. A couple of the killer stalking its prey scenes are a little long. Image playing ring around the coffin in triple slow motion. Fortunately, that’s a very small part of the film.

There’s a bit of comic relief and the movie kept me guessing.

Tip: Waiting around for the old, evil rich guy to die is a waste of time.

Tuesday Terror: Something Creeping In The Dark (1971)

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It was a dark and stormy night. Flooding has washed out local bridges and a group of unfortunate strangers find themselves at door of a mansion. The only house in the area, it was once owned Lady Sheila whose “passionate nature dominated both men and women.”

In this mix of strangers, we have a doctor, a rich but still unhappily married couple, two police, a homicidal maniac, and other assorted, quirky folks. Bored rich people are the worst. First, the unhappy wife suggests they all get acquainted via an orgy. The ratio of men to women would have made that very interesting… That idea gets squashed and she later suggests a seance. I’m sure it’s a coincidence that the sounds made during the seance are somewhat orgasmic.

The creepy, spooky atmosphere is amplified. What’s come over everyone? Is the Lady Sheila or another entity possessing people? Or perhaps in certain situations, it’s easier to shed inhibitions. Is something creeping in the shadows or on the outskirts of the human psyche?

If there is a weakness – it’s the two policemen. The homicidal maniac gets away from them a couple of times before it dawns on them to tie him up. Of course, they don’t have handcuffs. They certainly aren’t helpful when people die…

Otherwise, it’s a very stylish film. The music, the visuals – it keeps you engaged from the opening credits. With every weird incident, every murder or shriek, the anticipation builds. The final reveal was a teeny bit of a let down but, overall, I had fun.

Tuesday Terror: Uninvited (1988)

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Our story begins when a cat breaks out of a science lab. Who knows what torturous experiments the feline has been subjected to? All we know is that it has something strange in its tummy…that turns kitty into a killer!

Two women find the cat on the street. After a few pats and purrs, they grow attached to it. When a rich fellow invites them to party on his yacht, guess who tags along?

There is more to the plot – wealthy Wall Street guy is up to no good and pretty girls attract boys – but it’s about getting bodies on the boat. Some familiar faces are in the mix: George Kennedy, Clu Gallagher, etc.

The dialogue gets clunky here and there. Characters do foolish things. The cat is cute – when it isn’t pissed off. Some gore. A lot of puppet wrasslin’.

This movie lets you know what it is in the first 5 minutes. If you are still on board after the great lab escape, it’s a fun, cheesy creature feature.

Tip: If you want to find a classy chick, go to the marina. That’s where all the money is.

Tuesday Terror: The Church (1989)

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Knights Templar destroy a village full of people who worship the wrong god. They erect a cathedral on top of it. There’s a special cross in the basement to seal the evil in.

Fast forward to 1989. The cathedral is abuzz with activity – people coming for confession, a wedding party, researchers and a bunch of other extras (for a nice body count).

The church is being restored. A layperson discovers the seal and decides not to tell anyone. Opening it by himself, he thinks he’s about to discover Templar treasure. He finds a whole mess of demons instead. The church goes on lockdown and a host of demons set about possessing and killing folks.

Horror master Dario Argento is one of the writers, so you know you are in for a good time.

One of the heroes is a young, black priest. Hugh Quarshie plays Father Gus. He and those left alive must find a way to vanquish the demons and open the church.

Unlike zombies, demons have their own particular quirk when it comes to tormenting and snatching souls. This gives room for the special effects artists and designers to be creative.

If you’ve never seen The Church, treat yourself.

Tuesday Terror: The Deadtectives (2018)

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A fake paranormal investigation team with a television show on the verge of cancellation films their last chance episode in a real haunted house. What could go wrong? Oh, everything.

The group is full of inner conflict: the girlfriend who wants to go off on another project, the brother who isn’t taken seriously, the leader who is a jerk. Dealing with all these personal dramas and murderous ghosts is a bit much.

Influenced by Ghostbusters and the Frightners, Deadtectives is more comedy than horror. The funny bits don’t always hit the mark for me. For example, the lead guy says something racially insensitive to the Latino guy. The Latino guy points out the racial insensitivity and appears to push back but it’s just their routine. “Hey, that’s racist!” becomes a repeated, annoying punchline.

On the other hand, paranormal tv shows are not easy to parody; they can be a bit cartoonish on their own. The investigators on these shows – Most Haunted, Ghost Hunters, The Ghost Brothers, Ghost Adventures, etc – usually overact in hopes of convincing the audience that they are experiencing supernatural phenomena. Watching the Detectives try to spoof people who already act in an exaggerated manner…the act sometimes falls flat.

Overall, The Detectives is neither good nor bad. It’s just there. The best thing about the movie is that it made nostalgic for the Frightners.

Tuesday Terror: Horror Potluck #2

boar2BOAR (2017)
A giant boar is galavanting all over the Australian countryside eating and killing people.
This has everything you want from a creature feature: great setting, characters you can cheer for, no one is safe, no one is completely helpless.
It’s not afraid of you, your weapons or your car. This pig wants to destroy you. It’s a fun time in time.

pydh2PARTY HARD, DIE YOUNG (2018)
High school seniors travel to a party island to have one last hoorah before splitting up for college. Amidst the drinking, dancing and drug-taking, people begin to disappear. As suspicion spreads through the group, the bonds of friendship unravel. Who is the stalker/killer with a grudge? Someone knows what they did last summer* – even if they pretend it didn’t happen…
*last summer, last semester, last week – whatever – these kids aren’t innocent.

pravager2PHANTASM: RAVAGER (2016)
It’s not clear what’s happening in this movie. Is this scene real or is Reggie hallucinating. Which world is the real world? It doesn’t matter. There’s lots of action and Rocky is back.

 

theboy-2THE BOY (2016)
A woman is hired to take care of a boy . . . who is little more than a doll. There are strict rules she must follow; the doll reacts when she doesn’t stick to the proper protocols. Could the doll be possessed or is something more sinister afoot?
Fun popcorn movie that will keep you guessing. Don’t think about it too hard afterwards.

Tuesday Terror: Ghosts On The Loose (1943)

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The East Side Kids, like Our Gang or The Bowery Boys, is a film series featuring a group of (mostly) working class  boys who have various comedic adventures.

What hi-jinx do they get up to in Ghost On The Loose?
Protecting a Nazi propagandist.
Yes, in 1943. During World War 2.

Let me explain.

The sister of one of the boys just got married. The boys decide to clean up the newlyweds’ new house while they are on their honeymoon.

As the boys set to work, they make a startling discovery: brother-in-law is a Nazi propagandist. How do they know? There is a printing press in the basement that cranks out pro-Nazi pamphlets.

To paraphrase the leader’s reaction and next steps:
“Oh no, he’s a Nazi sympathizer! I’m so disappointed in him. He’ll get in trouble if anyone else finds out. We have to save him – let’s hide the press and the pamphlets next door.”

There’s no “Call the police!” and no concern that sis has married a trash individual.

Now here’s were the comedy comes in. Turns out the boys are cleaning up the wrong house! The newlyweds bought the house next door. When they move the printing press next door, they are actually putting it in the newlyweds’ house!

Bela Lagosi and his crew are the real Nazi propagandist. They are trying to scare the boys out of their hideout and steal the printing press back.

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Of course, it all works out in the end and the correct people are carted away by the authorities. There’s a sight gag about measles or chicken pox thrown in – they show up as swastikas.

Eh.

I’m sure this was a real knee slapped in the 1940s but, in an age where “if you see something, say something” is plastered all over NYC subway cars, it falls flat.

Tuesday Terrific: Pose (2018 – )

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Pose is a fictional television series depicting the New York ball community in late 80s (season 1) and early 90s (season 2). The show has real life trans and gender non-conforming actors and several of the behind the scenes crew – directors, writers, consultants, choreographers etc are from within the lgbtq community. Several of stories lines were inspired by the documentary Paris Is Burning. In fact, on IMDB the director of Paris is Burning, Jennie Livingston, is listed as a consulting producer on the show.

It felt like the first season was for the community. To give people a chance to see black/brown gay and trans people on screen as fully formed three dimensional characters with dreams, hopes and desires. The characters experienced pain, disappointment and drama but the harsher possibilities – physical violence and death – weren’t weaved into the story lines. As a viewer, I got nervous whenever one of the girls went to work on the piers or had an argument with a boyfriend.

Season two felt a little grittier. Madonna’s Vogue hit the charts and suddenly middle class white women – who had no idea this world existed – want to learning how to dance like the ball kids. Scouts are now showing up to balls looking to snag dancers for auditions. Community-wise the feeling is “finally the world will see us and give us the respect (and $$) we are worth.” Opportunity is in the air, but so is violence and death this time around.

I guess the writers felt it would be unrealistic if another season went by without showing violence and its impact on the community.

pisburningWhat I found interesting about the second season was the emphasis on Vogue as the sole reason that members of the community thought they would finally be embraced by the mainstream. In reality, many members of the ballroom community thought they were on the verge of stardom because a filmmaker – Jenny Livingston – was making a documentary about them. Many people featured in Paris Is Burning thought that they were going to receive money from the film. The film, which was released a year after Vogue, was a success that received plenty of acclaim and criticism. Unfortunately, the financial success did not trickle down, leaving many disappointed.

Imagine if in season one of Pose a character or two had mentioned an outsider to the community coming in to record their stories and film the balls…

One of the performers in Paris Is Burning, Pepper Labeija, offered this criticism of the film: “I do think that Jennie missed the point that there is life after the ball. She didn’t let people know that this is a hobby, not a whole life. We don’t all stand on the pier and vogue all night.”

Though it is fiction, Pose does what Paris Is Burning does not: shows there is life outside of the ball. This is what happens when people from within the community have some input and control over the media depicting it.

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I wonder what direction the third season of Pose is going to take. Secretly, I hope that they pull a Bobby Ewing with Candy – but that’s unlikely.

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Tuesday Terror: Midsommar (2019)

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Midsommar

Midsommar (aka How To Lose A Guy ‪In 9 Days) is about recognizing and letting go of bad relationships . . . while observing rituals in an isolated Swedish village. The relationships are truly awful and the villagers are sadistic murders (who wear the most angelic white).

Christian and Dani should have broken up a year ago. Honestly, they probably should have never gotten together. She is an emotional drain on him and he can’t even come close to giving her the support that she needs. He is with her out of guilt and she clings to him because he’s all she has left.

Or, at least that what is given to us as Christian’s motivation but I don’t believe that. He strikes me as the kind of person who will never break up with someone because he doesn’t want to be seen as the “bad guy”. He’d rather treat someone bad enough (inattentive, boring as hell, perhaps emotionally abusive) so that they will break up with him; nothing will be his fault. In any case, the relationship is a triple slow motion train wreck.

While the emphasis is on the couple, all of Christian’s relationships are terrible. That group of guys he hangs out with – I believe they all go to the same college – are no more than familiar acquaintances. They are supposed to be close: he complains about Dani to them, this trip to Swedish countryside was originally a “boys only” trip, etc. Scratch beneath the surface and you’ll find more jealousy than friendship. This is how the villagers are able to dispatch them one by one without any of the others becoming too concerned about the disappearances.

Outsiders allowed to observe an isolated tribe or village (usually folks of color) is an old school Hollywood plot. The explorers typically think of themselves as superior to those they are studying; there is usually more than a hint of danger and savagery.

Our happy, drug-sharing Swedish villagers don’t inspire terror at all. At least, not at first. They wear white, dance and have many feasts. The young people leave the village and even go to college. When the curtain is drawn back revealing the first bits of brutality, Christian and company can’t imagine that they themselves could be in trouble. Arrogance keeps them from recognizing that death creeps around every corner of the barn and hides under welcoming smiles.

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This is personified in Josh, the scholar without any sense of self preservation. As someone who has been studying European Midsommar rituals, why didn’t he get any inkling that something was up? Like the scientist in a sci-fi movie, he has no qualms watching others die in his pursuit of additional knowledge. If you want to do a deeper dive into the Josh character, Mary Kay McBrayer has an essay on Graveyard Shift Sisters that explores Midsommar and stereotypes.

In the end, Christian and Dani have to come to terms with their relationship. When she realizes her situation with Christian is unbearable, she does the reasonable thing and frees them both.

Now, when I’m out in about, my eye can’t help but notice couples that have that “Midsommar” look – one of them looks anxious, the other resentful. I want to pass them a note: “Break up before it’s too late!” They are one festival away from disaster.

Tips:
-Don’t ignore horrifying screams – even if you aren’t sure where they are coming from.
-End bad relationships before they end you.

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